Sometime Around Midnight
by MyEdiction
Summary: Jasper hasn't seen her in 5 months. He's avoided the places and people they both knew as a couple. Tonight he's going back to the place where it all began. Based on the song Sometime Around Midnight by the Airborne Toxic Event. A/H. M is for Lemon's
1. Chapter 1

**This is my First attempt at writing a sad story. My beta said it almost made her cry- That made me grin from ear to ear. **

**This is pretty much based off the song Sometime Around Midnight by The Airborne Toxic Event. I would definitely advise listening to the song. Not only is it a great song but it helps give you perspective of the story.**

**Link for Song:** http:// www . youtube . com/watch?v=yVS0zGgZyys **Just take out the spaces.**

**If you've been reading Help Me, Save Me- have no fear chapter 7 is done and with the beta as I post this. **

* * *

**1 New Text Message**

**From: E-Man**

**Hey man we're heading out tonight- O'Malley's at 10!**

I shook my head, Emmett is the only person I'd let program his name in my phone as "E-Man". If he wasn't such a loveable bastard I would have changed it years ago.

Did I really want to go out tonight though?

I worked until 10, it was already 9:30. I probably wouldn't get there until at least 11 if not later tonight. I was exhausted from working a 16 hour shift. Plus it was O'Malley's I haven't been back there since things ended. It was always our place. That was almost five months ago though, maybe I should just bite the bullet and go out.

What if I saw her though?

My phone beeped again and just about scared the shit out of me.

**1 New Text Message**

**From: E-Man**

**Stop being a fucking pussy and come out or I'll take you out.**

Sighing I closed my eyes. Looks like I'm going out tonight. Knowing Emmett he would show up and drag me out by my ass and then proceed to pour a bottle of whisky down my throat.

Besides it was Thursday what were the chances we'd run into each other?

I quickly typed up a response letting Emmett know I was working until 10 and could get there by 11 at the earliest. When there was no response I assumed that was fine with him.

The last half hour went by fast, too fast.

I took my time getting home, in absolutely no hurry to go out. It wasn't that I didn't want to meet up with Emmett, we had barely seen each other since his cousin and I broke up. They were raised together after her parents passed away in a car crash and were almost like brother and sister, as a result they were barely ever apart so I knew that by hanging out with Emmett I'd probably have to spend time with her.

I gripped the shirt over my heart at the thought of her. Even five months later and it still hurt to think about her and the way things ended. I could never blame her for leaving though. If I had been her and she had done the same to me I would have walked away without even a backwards glance. She was always the bigger person though and gave me the benefit of the doubt and a chance to explain myself, it was beyond what I could have ever hoped for from her.

She left me with a hug and a kiss on the cheek before walking out the door and out of my life. I gave her the space she needed, not without great effort though. It also forced me to evaluate my life and what I was doing with it. I was beyond ashamed of my actions and turned my life around as a result. However, it was too late to turn around my relationship. During some of my worst days I destroyed the only good thing I had.

My phone beeped again knocking me out of my memories.

**1 New Text Message**

**From: E-Man**

**30 min. Put your big boy pants on and get over here.**

I chuckled at Emmett and sent him a message back telling him I'd be there in 30.

I jumped in the shower quickly to rinse off the daily grime and freshen up. I dressed even faster and threw on a pair of worn jeans, my doc's, and a white t-shirt under a blue button up. I grabbed my keys and wallet off the counter and made sure to lock up my apartment before making my way down the street to O'Malley's Pub. I rolled up the sleeves on my shirt as I started to sweat. I was either really nervous or it was unseasonably warm out for late April in Seattle.

I was going with unseasonably warm.

I made it to the end of the block to O'Malley's and almost turned right back around when I opened the door and was assaulted by the loud music and boisterous conversation.

In fact I had almost let the door swing close in front of me when I heard Emmett.

"Hey," I heard and cringed just waiting. "Get your pansy ass in here and start drinking."

Resigned I walked into the bar and up to Emmett. We did the man hug and patted each other on the back briefly before breaking apart.

Emmett turned to the bar and yelled out, "Hey Seth get my man a drink put it on my tab I got him covered tonight."

I watch as Seth shook his head back and forth at Emmett's antic's and poured my usual. It may have been five months and I may have changed but it was good to see some things still stayed the same in your absence.

I nursed my drink as Emmett and I caught up. Eventually his ADHD got the better of him and before I knew it he was at the other end of the bar cracking jokes and making everyone down there laugh. It was quintessential Emmett and I couldn't imagine him any other way.

I caught up with a couple friends I hadn't seen in months or longer and worked my way through the second drink of the evening.

It was sometime around midnight when it started. I could sense her. I could feel a prickle all the way to the tips of my fingers, almost as if my whole body was asleep and had began to come alive again.

Then the band began to play our song. I stood under the dingy lights at the bar I didn't want to turn around and discover it wasn't her but I couldn't stop myself from looking over my shoulder casually and scanning the room.

The breath I was taking caught in my throat. There she stood in a white dress looking like an angel, even in the dim light of the bar she seemed to glow.

The room began to swim around me and I remembered I hadn't taken a breath yet. Slowly I began to breath again as she turned and scanned the bar. The most breathtaking smile broke out across her lips. I don't think I had remembered before now how much I had missed that smile. When we were together I got them daily, sometimes hourly at the beginning. Then gradually their frequency dropped and before I knew it I hadn't seen that smile in over a month. It wasn't until everything ended that I realized I was the cause of that.

I glanced quickly in the direction she was looking and noticed her eyes had fallen on Emmett. Of course she would be looking for him. She moved towards the other end of the bar walking like she was floating on air. She wrapped her arms around his massive frame and Emmett wrapped his big meaty paws around her in return. She blushed beautifully as he started to introduce her to the people he most likely just met tonight.

I slouched down over the bar keeping the glass between my hands my fingers linked together around it as I watched the amber liquid swirl around and the ice clatter against the sides.

I finally made up my mind to leave.

My back straightened and I started to get up off my stool. I should say good bye to Emmett, thank him for the couple of drinks I had, but I can't go over there. I don't want to ruin her evening. I've studiously kept my head down and avoided looking in her direction. She could always tell when someone was looking at her, even when she slept. I could never watch her sleep for any longer then ten minutes before her eyes would flutter open.

Suddenly I felt a warming sensation on the back of my neck and I froze. I turned and saw her looking in my direction. She glanced away hastily and laughed softly at something Emmett said to her. Her gaze flickered back up to me and our eyes caught and held steady. She clutched her tonic water to her like it was a cross, like she warding off the demons.

I watch facinated as she leaned up to whisper something in Emmett's ear and then made her way down the bar towards me. My world tilted on it's axis and started to spin out of control. My palms began to sweat nervously and I quickly wiped them on my jeans.

She stopped less then a foot in front of me and looked up. I had forgotten how short she was in comparison to my 6'2 frame. I barely heard her ask how I was doing when her scent suddenly hit me like a ton of fucking bricks.

How could five months of time apart make me forget just how divinely she smelled?

She is and always has been an assault on all the senses. Her beauty is still unparalleled, I imagine her wit has only sharpened during our time apart, and her sweet, sweet scent is still as enticing as the first time I met her.

It was a night almost like tonight only about two and a half years ago. Yes our relationship had ended two years to the date after it had begun.

*~**~*

I was meeting Emmett and he had asked if he could bring his little cousin along. Thinking nothing of it I said sure, unaware at the time that my life would be forever altered by that initial meeting. He walked in dragging her behind him, she had just turned 21 and because she was too busy studying to go out on her actual 21st birthday he had decided she was going to celebrate it tonight. She fought vehemently against the idea stating she didn't need to celebrate her birthday by getting piss drunk, her words not mine.

I watched in amusement as she bossed around a man who was three times her size and four years older then her. Emmett being Emmett opened his mouth and made some comment about her social life or lack there of, I believe he had compared it to living in a convent and stated he was getting her a wimple for Christmas. She jumped up and managed to smack him on the back of his head and he sheepishly rubbed the spot she hit. I couldn't help the laugh that came out of my mouth and they both turned towards me. I heard Emmett make introductions, but I was instantly lost in the depths of her eyes as she shyly bit her bottom lip.

We spent the night, all three of us, laughing and joking. Occasionally I'd catch her staring at me and when I thought she wasn't looking she'd catch me doing the same to her.

Emmett got a call hours away from bar close and had to leave. I watched him fight with himself about whether he should go and end up cutting her night short when she had been having such a good time. Deciding I couldn't let her leave yet, not without getting to know her better I stepped in and offered to make sure she got home safely. He sighed relieved and slapped me on the back as he said his thanks and left.

As the night wore on the bar got louder and rowdier. It was getting harder to hear each other so I asked if she wanted to get out of here and she nodded her head. We got up from the bar after finishing our drinks and I clasped her warm soft hand in my worn and rough hand. I had never felt anything as right as I did when her hand was held securely in mine. I lead her out of the bar weaving between bar patrons and we finally broke free of the crowed. She shivered slightly when the blast of cold air hit us full force. It was a chilly late October in Seattle and she hadn't brought her jacket with her. Without thinking I offered to go back to my place since my car was there anyways and it was right down the block. When we got to the front door of my building I asked if she'd like to come up and talk for awhile. She agreed and my heart soared.

The next couple of hours it was just us. We talked for what seemed like forever. Flirted shamelessly with each other. Every time she bit her lip in thought I wanted to lean forward and tug it between my teeth. When I'd say something she didn't agree with she'd scrunch up her nose adorably and I'd fight off the urge to kiss it. She was driving me beyond crazy but I didn't want to do anything to ruin this moment.

Next thing I knew she was up on her knees balancing precariously on the cushion of the sofa as her hands moved excitedly while she talked, telling me a story that involved her childhood with Emmett. Before I realized it she had lost her balance and began to wobble and she was suddenly in my arms as I braced her fall, but not before her chest pressed against mine. Sparks of electricity shot out from her body into mine at every point where we touched. She started to push back and my arms tightened around her.

Her sweet breath washed across my face and suddenly my lips were on hers. Her hands tangled in my hair and my fingers dug into her hips as I hauled her closer to me. I was consumed by her smell, the feeling of her hands tugging and pulling at my hair and the soft velvet feeling of her plump lips moving with and against mine.

I swiped my tongue along her bottom lip resisting the urge to nibble it and she gasped. Immediately my tongue was met by hers as they moved together, it wasn't a fight for dominance it was a slow exploration of each other. We were learning each others tastes memorizing the feeling of the others mouth.

I felt her moan deep in her chest before I heard it and I was up on my feet and she quickly wrapped her legs around my waist. I stumbled awkwardly down the hall to my bedroom pausing half way down to press her up against the wall. I pushed my erection up against her grinding into her as our lips continued to taste and devour. She threw her head back and whimpered and I drug my lips down the column of her neck and sucked softly at her collarbone so as to not leave a mark.

I wanted to leave my mark on her though. I wanted everyone who looked at her to see that mark on her body and know it had come from me.

Later I told myself. I promised myself right then and there that tonight was the beginning of many nights, many days. After tonight there was no way I could let her walk out of my apartment and out of my life without knowing I'd see her again and that she was mine for eternity.

Not being able to take the pressure and the sensation anymore I pushed away from the wall and managed to make it the rest of the way into my bedroom. I stopped walking when I was half way to my bed.

What if she didn't want this?

She had never said take me to bed, she never asked for this. I had to make sure we both wanted the same thing before I continued.

"Baby," I started softly. She looked at me with eyes shining brightly. She was excited, that was easy to see but beyond that, behind the want and the need I could see something deeper. "Are you sure?" I asked. "About this. I want you beyond reason right now but if you say stop I'll stop."

Her hand came up to cup my cheek lightly and I tilted my head into her touch and my eyes fluttered closed. "I'm more sure about this then I have been of anything in my life." I opened my eyes to meet hers and in them I saw the complete and utter trust she had in me, in us at this moment.

It was at that exact moment I decided tonight was about her. I finished walking towards the bed and laid her down on top of it softly. Her hair fanned out behind her and shimmered in the moonlight streaming in from the open window. She looked like my own personal angel, my savior.

I took a minute to drink in the sight of her on my bed, I never wanted her to leave. Then our eyes caught and locked and once again I was lost in the endless depth's of them. She held her arms out to me and I met her on the bed our lips meeting together again. I braced most of my weight on my forearms and let my fingers tangle in her hair. I wanted to take my time but she seemed impatient as she wrapped her legs around my hips and tugged me down to her. Braking apart from the kiss I rested my forehead against hers and hissed at the delicious contact between our bodies.

She pulled me down to her and lifted her hips up grinding against me. Her hands were moving and shifting across my back and then moved under my shirt. The skin on skin contact was sublime but I wanted more. Sitting up swiftly I tore my shirt up and over my head tossing it behind me, her finger tips trailed down my chest and traced the groves and contours there. Our bodies pressed tightly together her hips undulating back and forth. I felt like a fourteen your old boy with his first girlfriend and if she didn't stop the movement I was going to make a fool out of myself and finish before we began. I reached behind me to unwrap her legs from around my waist and heard her whimper at the loss of contact.

"Sweetheart," I whispered against her lips. "I need you to stop moving or it'll end before it even starts." She bit her bottom lip again but nodded slowly and sat up.

I slid my hands under the bottom of her sweater and let my fingers trace over the soft skin of her stomach.

"Let me love you." I said as I slowly lifted her sweater up and over her head.

I gasped at the beauty of her bare in front of me. How I could have missed the fact she wasn't wearing a bra was beyond me. I pushed her back onto the bed so she was propped up by the pillows at the top and went to work on her jeans unbuttoning them and pulling them down her legs, leaving her in just a light pink pair of underwear. It was simple cotton but on her it was unbelievably sexy and seemed to fit her perfectly.

I slowly slid my hands up her legs letting my finger tips graze over the soft smooth skin of her thighs. When my fingers met at the juncture of her thighs I looked up at her and gasped. Her eyes were hooded with lust and her chest was heaving up and down with shallow breaths.

It was the most glorious sight I had ever seen.

Leaning down I pressed a soft open mouthed kiss on the inside of her right thigh while rubbing both of my thumbs just under the inside of her pink panties. She started breathing faster as my thumbs moved closer together bunching up the fabric of her underwear between my hands. I continued to place kisses up and down her thighs pausing occasionally to suck and nip at the flesh. When my fingers met in the middle I let my thumb brush over her clit, back and forth, relishing the small gasps and mewls coming out of her heavenly mouth. I hooked my fingers in the sides of her panties and pulled them down her legs hastily and she pushed her hips up off the bed to help. When they were off I absently dropped them to the floor not able to tear my eyes away from the vision in front of me.

She was stunning. Absolutely stunning.

Never in my life would I have expected to have perfection in front of me laid bare and wanting in my bed.

I ran my hands back up her legs parting them as I went my eyes glued to her glistening sex. She was so wet, my mouth watered at the thought of her taste. Without hesitation I bent down between her legs and ran the tip of my tongue over her, tasting her. I flicked it back and forth across her clit and smiled to myself when she moaned even louder.

Slowly I started to run the tip of my finger over her lips getting it wet and read to press inside her. She squirmed below me with the slight pressure I would apply each time I got close to sliding inside of her. Her legs were trembling, and I could tell she wanted to wrap them around me and pull me close to her and hold me tight.

Without hesitation I slid my finger in her and felt her wonderful wet heat envelope me. I worked it in and out a handful of times before pulling out. Her hands flew down to my hair and gripped it tightly.

"No don't stop," she whimpered.

I kissed her clit and then sucked it between my lips and flicked the tip of my tongue across it. Her back arched off the bed and it felt like she was trying to pull my hair out, but I would put up with any amount of pain for her pleasure.

Pushing two fingers deep inside her I curled them up and started to move them back and forth. "Honey, I'm no where near done with you." I said and looked up at her. "We have all night and I plan on taking all night."

We spent the rest of the night wrapped up in each others arms. Fingers gripping. Lips kissing. Tongues tasting.

The sun was just starting to come up and she was curled up in my arms my body wrapped around hers and together we laid naked in bed watching the sun rise.

It was the single most intense night of my life.

*~**~*

Snapping out of my thoughts of our first time together I reluctantly answered. I let her know I was doing well and asked her how she was doing.

She gave me a small smile and told me she was doing good, she was happy.

I told her I was happy for her. Happy she was happy again and I wished her the best.

She leaned in to give me a small kiss on my cheek and whispered in my ear, "One day Jasper, you'll find the girl meant for you. I wish I could have been her for you but I think things have worked for the best. Never give up hope she's out there waiting for you."

She stepped away from me and gave me one last smile before heading back down towards Emmett.

I wanted to run after her to tell her - she was it and that I was a fool for ever having let her go in the first place. I wanted to beg her to stay to just give me that one last chance. I wanted to tell her that there would never be anyone like her for me.

But in the end I sat back down and watched her walk away, for the second time in less then half a year. This time was different though, I was different.

I looked down at the end of the bar and watched her smiling and talking with Emmett. She looked so happy. I was happy once, with her. At another time another place I'd be down there with both of them.

My arm would be wrapped around her tiny waist and she leaned against me. We'd both laugh at something someone said.

I glanced over at them again and her eyes were sparkling with mirth.

Maybe it wasn't too late. Perhaps we can give it one more try.

I tried not to let the hope invade my body and take over my soul. If she hadn't been my everything for so long, if I actually didn't think I'd have a chance with her again I wouldn't. But I had hope, I had to hope.

I had my mind made up. I wanted her back. Tonight gave me that opportunity to get her back. She had time to get over the events that destroyed us and I had time to change so those same events wouldn't come back to haunt us.

I looked back down the bar by Emmett, only she wasn't there anymore. Frantic my neck twisted back and forth scanning for her through the crowd. I caught a glimpse of her white dress as she slipped out the door. I got up running for the door. I didn't want to lose her this time. She had already walked away from me far too many times.

I tore the front door open and stopped where I was.

There she was.

My heart was in my throat. The anticipation was growing like I was at the top of a rollercoaster, looking down at the drop to come. It was such a long drop too.

She was there, but she wasn't alone. She was on her tip toes reaching up to get closer to some man I had never seen before. Then their lips met and her arm went around his neck and he grabbed her closer to him crushing their bodies together.

My heart fell. I was pushed over the edge and down the drop. I never knew I could fall this far. My knees threatened to give out beneath me.

I knew this was a possibility. I knew someday she'd have to move on. Someday she'd find someone who could treat her how she deserved to be treated. In a hundred years I never dreamt that I'd be witness to her moving on. I thought tonight was a sign that we were supposed to try again. That it was supposed to be her and I.

Then she smiled up at him, this smile brighter and happier then any of the ones she's ever given me.

The wind carried their voices and I hear him. "Come on love," he said. "Let's get you home."

I stumbled back into the bar. I leaned up against the wall.

I'm not sure how long I was there when I heard a voice. I looked and saw Emmett in front of me. He repeated himself and I forced myself to listen.

"What is it? You look like you've seen a ghost." He said. It all came rushing back to me. Two years of memories, the most recent memories of tonight, watching her leave with him.

"Bella," I managed to croak out. "She was here." I finished lamely.

I watched the recognition on his face and he swore under his breath. "I'm sorry Jazz. She said she wasn't sure if she could make it and considering she's barely been out with me lately I never expected her to show up."

I didn't want to ask but I had to know. "Who was she… she was," I cursed myself when my voice cracked. "She wasn't alone, was she?" I finally managed to ask.

"Fuck Jasper, you saw them?" I could only nod lamely at him. "How, I mean they barely looked at each other while they were here."

I looked down at the floor in shame. I couldn't tell him that I was going to try and get her back. He would just pity me and the last thing I needed was his pity. Instead I embellished on the truth.

"I was leaving. They were outside just getting into a cab." He grabbed my shoulder in a gesture of understanding. He knew I had seen more but he wasn't going to question what.

I still couldn't believe that he was friends with me, even after everything that happened between his cousin and I. I didn't deserve his friendship but right now it was my life support, a life raft in a turbulent ocean.

"C'mon," he said. "Let's head out."

I shook my head no. I wasn't in the mood for company anymore. "If it's ok with you I'm just going to head out and go home. It's been a long week so far and an even longer night."

"Sure no problem." He looked concerned though. I could tell he didn't want to let me go home alone. No doubt concerned about what I might do.

"Emmett, I'll be fine. I just need to get some sleep." I wanted to ask him more about Bella. I wanted to know who that man was that could make her smile brighter then I ever could. How long had they been seeing each other? Was it serious or just a date?

Emmett sighed and looked down at the floor. "His name is Edward Masen. He's a surgical resident over at Seattle Grace. It's only been about two and a half months,"

I looked up at him shocked. "Why the hell did you just tell me all of this?" I didn't really want to know. I could have lived my whole life without knowing that.

Shaking his head Emmett went on. "Dude you asked that shit out loud."

I pushed past him and headed out the door. I could hear Emmett calling after me but I couldn't stop walking. If I stopped I'd never start again. I had to keep going. I pushed past people, most of whom were drunk and barely registered my presence. The others who weren't drunk gave me withering glares. I ignored them and just kept walking. I got to the end of the block and my apartment building. I looked up at the three story brick building and sighed. I pushed my rolled up sleeves down and stuck my hands in my pockets.

When did it get so cold out? I wondered as I turned and kept walking.

I wasn't ready to go home yet.

* * *

**A/N: So what did you think of what I've been fondly referring to as Sad Sack Jasper, since writing this? Was I too rough on him? He seemed like the perfect person to fit this role. He's already so sensitive and I just really felt like destroying him. Sounds perverse but with the weather the way it's been, and the fact that I'm pretty positive the sun forgot where I lived, I've been pretty down and out. Writing this was almost better then Prozac. I now see the draw of writing angst. **

**Let me know what you think and if you think that maybe Jasper deserves his happy ending. I think I could be persuaded to give it to him with enough support. **


	2. AN Please read for more info

So I'm sure as many of you have heard, there were devistating earthquakes that demolished the island of Haiti. I am donating my time and writing skills to help the cause. Mskathy, the fantastic, wonderfully mind blowing author of The Trip Home has asked that all her followers donate at minimum $5 to help the cause and for your money she would send you out a small one shot. Well that has since escalated and now there are tons of your favorite authors donating their time to help as well. For as little as $5 you can get a massively compiled list of stories to be emailed directly to you and only for you.

If you'd like more information about how to get involved or donate to help the victims of Haiti please visit mskathy's blog. Link is below, you know the drill just take out the spaces.

http :// mskathyff . blogspot . com/2010/01/haiti . html

My O/S will be EdwardxBella, All Human and may only be available if you donate.


	3. The Destruction of Jasper and Bella

**This is pretty much not beta'd. I've had several people take a look at this though, so thank you to wytchwmn75. **

**Please beware this chapter discusses drug use and abuse. **

**OliviaTwisted... I'm sorry. I know I promised Friday at the latest for this but well, I suck. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, I do own this story and their personalities and situations. **

* * *

~*~

The first time I had met Jasper Whitlock it was love at first sight for me. I remember being so mad at Emmett for dragging me out for a late birthday celebration. Never having been one to party I was perfectly content letting my 21st birthday pass with little to no fanfare. When Em had told me we were going to meet one of his friends from the station, all that came to mind were more large, overbearing, loud men. So imagine my surprise when I met Jasper. He was definitely tall, not as tall as Emmett but not many men are, he easily towered over my small frame though. He wasn't large, he had more of a sleek swimmers build. You could see the carefully contained power hidden below the surface.

It wasn't until Em had made some crude reference to my sex life that I got a good look at him. He laughed at our antics and I turned to meet him. Blue eyes sparkled back at me still crinkled up on the sides from his mirth. I had never been one to be attracted to blonds, but when I saw his hand sweep his messy blond hair out of his eyes I couldn't help biting my bottom lip to contain the moan that wanted to spill forth. He had perfected the laid back surfer look.

All three of us sat around telling jokes laughing. There were constant glances back and forth between Jasper and I. I'd catch his gaze lingering on me and he'd catch me looking at him. Then suddenly Em got a call and he had to go. He was my ride and I feared that the best night of my life was coming to an end. I'd have no way of getting back to the dorms without him. When Jasper spoke up and offered to give me a ride home I had to stop myself from squealing like a teenager. Not only would I get to spend more time with him, but I'd get to do it alone- or as alone as you can be in a crowded bar.

When he suggested we leave and that he only lived down the block from the bar, I once again had to contain myself from making an embarrassment of myself and dragging him out of the bar. His apartment was nothing like I had imagined it would be for a bachelor pad, especially after bearing witness to the toxic hazard of Em's place. It was simple, masculine, but clean, and best of all didn't reek of sweat and stale beer.

It was when I was trying to adequately tell him a story about when I was younger and growing up with Emmett that it happened. I fell over and he caught me. And then he kissed me. It was the single best kiss of my life. I had only known him for hours but I was never more sure of anything in my life then I was of the man in front of me. I didn't want to hold back. I had been so cautions of everything in my life since losing my parents but I knew with Jasper it was all or nothing. So I gave him all. Gave him everything.

The first night with him was beyond words. It was perfection, bliss, heavenly. I had never felt so consumed. If I gave him everything he gave it right back to me. He worshipped me and touched me with reverence. I felt exquisite to him.

After that night we were nearly inseparable. At fist I had worried about Emmett's reaction to his friend dating his little sister, you see while we weren't technically brother and sister we were raised as such. Emmett claimed to be ecstatic. He trusted Jasper with his life and said he knew he could trust him with mine.

Dating a firefighter wasn't easy but because of Emmett I was at least accustomed to the lifestyle. It was long hours away from each other. I worried about him constantly when he was at the station. On occasion when the time apart became to much I'd bake something or come over and make dinner for the entire station. If it wasn't for Emmett though I probably never would have been able to come over, his chief was rather strict about personal visits unless they were family related only. So under the guise of coming to see Emmett I got to see and spend more time with Jasper.

~~*~~

The first six months were perfect. He kept himself safe and when he wasn't working we were together, always. By that point I had practically moved into his apartment, so when the semester ended we both agreed I'd move in with him. The next couple of months were an adjustment for both of us, having never been in a relationship serious enough to warrant cohabitation.

From there I'm not really sure what happened. At first I thought we had moved too fast. School had started back up for me and I was in my final year, so I was beyond stressed. I tried to work out my study schedule so when Jasper was at the station I was at the library that way when he was home I could be with him. He began to get irritated with me. He'd snap at me for no reason. It never seemed provoked to me, so I just told myself he was tired from work. His hours had increased and he was required to spend more time away from home, and couple that with the fact that there was an arsonist on the loose I couldn't blame him for being stressed. He never got mean though, and eventually with a little time to cool down he'd be back to himself and we were free to spend time together again.

~~*~~

Then one Sunday before Jasper was supposed to come back home I was cleaning. I had let things go while I was writing my thesis and I wanted to make sure that everything was in order before he got home. It was while I was putting away some of his laundry that I came across the prescription bottle. I thought it odd because I didn't remember him telling me he had gone to the doctor. So curious as to what it was I looked closer at the label. The name on the bottle was Demetri Alexandrov. I remembered him from my visits to the stations, he set me on edge every time I was there. There was just something about him that didn't feel right. I looked closer at the bottle and saw it was a prescription for an amphetamine. I had no clue what and why Jasper had them but you could bet his balls I was going to find out.

I knew that confronting him and demanding an explanation wasn't the way to go so when he got home I allowed him to get comfortable before getting down to business.

"Hey babe?" I asked casually.

He looked over at me smiling and I felt my chest contract with the love I felt for him. "What's up?" he asked.

I palmed the orange bottle in my hand and drew a deep breath preparing for the worst. "I was cleaning earlier today and putting away your laundry…" I let the sentence hang hoping he knew were I was going. When all he did was raise an eyebrow in question I knew I'd have to actually question him.

"Well I was putting it away and came across something. I was just wondering if you could tell me what it's all about?" I tried to sound firm while I pulled out the bottle and shook it softly listening to the pills rattle.

His eye bulged and I could only sigh, resigned to the fact that I had obviously caught him doing something he knew he shouldn't be doing.

"Honey I know what it looks like," he began.

"Jasper don't say you know what it looks like. Just tell me why you have a prescription for what is basically speed with someone else's name on it. I just want to know why."

He shook his head and rubbed the back of his neck. "Demetri gave them to me a month ago during the ring of arson's that we were going out on." He began emphatically. "I was dragging ass and my work was suffering. Most nights I was averaging less then three hours of sleep a night before the next call would come through. I mentioned something to him because he always seemed to be ready to go and never lacked energy. He told me about them and offered to share. I needed something to get me through the days, and they helped. I haven't used them in over a week, Bella. I swear." He was practically pleading with me to believe him at this point, and I desperately wanted to. So I chose to ignore the fact that the date on the bottle was less then three days ago and that it seemed like there were less then fifteen pills left. I told him I believed him as long as he got rid of this bottle.

His smile was blinding in it's relief as he leaned down to kiss me passionately before telling me he'd get rid of them right now and walked into the bathroom to flush them. I sighed a breath of relief when I had heard the toilet flush. That night he wore us both out making love as we collapsed onto the bed in a sweaty heap of tangled limbs

~~*~~

Before I knew it, it was our one year anniversary. We celebrated quietly and he cooked us a beautiful candlelit dinner. I had never seen him be so attentive and loving.

Things were unbelievable in the months following our anniversary. I never felt as close to him as I did at that time. We were back to the beginning stages of our relationship, we had fallen into the honeymoon stage again.

It all came crashing down around me though, ironically I was cleaning again. I found another orange bottle, same prescription but this one was in Jaspers name. And it was less then a week old. For being so new it seemed unusually empty. Half of the bottle was missing. I counted the damn pills. I was so mad I didn't know what to do. I slammed the dresser drawer shut and heard something rattling inside. I opened it and gasped in surprise. There were five other bottles in there, all in varying states of use, not all of them in Jasper's name.

I was furious. He had promised me he was getting rid of them, and now not only do I find them again but more in other peoples names. Where had he gotten them? There were names on these bottles that I had never heard before. Curiosity got the best of me, yet again. I booted up my lap top and decided a little investigating was in order. I started first with the types of medications he had, each one worse then the next. He had pills to make him go, make him slow down, make him relax, and pills for pain.

Next I moved onto the names. I started to Google all of the names and when none of them brought up names I knew, I was lost. How did he get them all? Why did he need them to begin with. The more questions I asked myself the more mad I got, the angrier I became the more tears threatened to spill. I couldn't understand how he could do this to us, to himself. And after he promised. That was the worst part. He promised me, and here was the obvious signs of his betrayal.

So that's where he found me when he walked in. Sitting at the kitchen table with six bottles surrounding me staring blindly at the screen of my computer as I cried. I felt so hopeless. He rushed to me and wrapped his arms around me. I was too weak to deny the comfort he was offering even though I knew I shouldn't have let him touch me without an explanation. He picked me up off of the chair and sat me down on his lap and whispered in my ear telling me over and over again he was sorry.

Every sorry whispered destroyed me just a little bit more. I didn't want him to tell me he was sorry. I didn't want there to be a reason for him to be sorry. He held me for most of the night on that uncomfortable chair with the evidence of what he had done surrounding us. Finally when I had calmed down a bit he picked me up and carried me to bed. When he moved to put his arms around me again I couldn't take it. His touch hurt me.

"Please don't… don't touch me." I said it so softly I could barely hear my own words, but when I heard his choked sob I knew he had heard me. It killed me to know I was hurting him but I just couldn't. I couldn't handle him touching me when I knew he had lied to me.

Groggy and disoriented I woke up several hours later feeling like I had been dropped from a ten story building, with my eyes crusted over from my dried tears. I reached behind me trying to find Jasper and was simultaneously happy and sad that he wasn't near me. I found him in the living room on the sofa. He looked a mess and my heart broke for him. I wanted to know why he felt the need to do this. I couldn't understand it. So I sat and waited until he woke up.

That morning he got rid of everything I watched him flush the pills this time. Made sure every last one went down the drain. I became much more diligent. I constantly was on the look out for the reappearance of more pills. He knew I was too. He was honest with me. He didn't hide anything. I even asked Em to go through his things at the station to make sure he wasn't hiding anything from me there. I didn't feel good about asking Em to do that but I knew he was worried for his friend just as much as I was.

~~*~~

Our second anniversary was coming up and I couldn't have been happier. As much as I hated to apply the term to Jasper, he was clean. No other pills in his name or other names were anywhere in our apartment and for that I was thankful.

To celebrate our anniversary I wanted to make him his favorite stir fry. It had been months since I had made it and it was the perfect occasion. As I was pulling the wok down from up above the stove it slipped out of my grasp and clattered to the floor loudly.

A bag had fallen down with it.

Logically I knew what it was. Did I want to believe what it was? No. I couldn't believe it. So I stood there staring at this little sandwich bag on the floor with the knot tied in the top. It looked so out of place in our kitchen, yet so ordinary. It could have been flour or perhaps powdered sugar or maybe even baking soda. But I knew differently.

The love of my life, the man I would do anything for had brought drugs into our home. The one we shared together. I leaned down cautiously to pick it up and then stopped about half way down still just staring at the baggie. I stood back up slowly and stepped over the offensive item and sat down at the kitchen table. This time I wanted to cry but the tears wouldn't come.

When Jasper came home that night, all smiles with my favorite flowers in hand, I wanted to cry again. I willed the tears to come. With the tears came the knowledge that I still felt something for him. That I still cared. That I wanted to stay with him no matter what.

I could only stare blankly at him as he walked over towards me and ask, "Why?"

His steps faltered and he cocked his head to the side and asked, "Why what?" I watched his eye brows draw together in thought.

"Why?" I said again pointing to the kitchen. Out of the corner of my eyes I watched him walk into the kitchen and his steps falter. He stood stock still staring at the two items on the floor. "Why Jasper?"

His shoulders sagged and he shook his head back and forth slowly. I was mad at him, but furious with myself. I couldn't force myself to feel anything but a numb calmness that took over as I waited for his explanation.

He gave me his account of why he felt the need to bring an illegal substance into our home. He knew my father had been chief of police but still chose to do it. He told me about how he needed an escape. During one of the arson's that had happened last year he had watched helplessly as a young girl he was trying to save was destroyed by the fire. Just as he was going to run into her room the support beam collapsed and he wasn't strong enough to move it. He told me he had to stand and watch as the little girls life was taken from her. I asked him why he didn't come to me, why couldn't he trust me enough to tell me and confide in me? Had I not been there enough, was I simply not enough for him?

He swore up and down that it wasn't me. He just didn't feel like he should have burdened me with that knowledge. That no one should have to hear or experience anything like that.

I wanted to forgive him again. I wanted to tell him it was ok. I wanted to watch him flush this down the toilet as well. I really wanted us to be us again. But I knew as long as Jasper included drugs in us there was no us. It was Jasper and his addiction. How I missed the signs I'll never know.

I called Em that night and packed a bag. I told Jasper it was over, that I couldn't do it anymore and asked him to please let me be. I gave him one last kiss before walking away. Emmett came to pick me up, he was too worried to let me drive. He held me that night as I finally let go and cried. The tears I had hoped would come had finally made an appearance.

My heart felt like it had been ripped out of my chest, shown to me and then stomped on before being put back in a mangled mess. Emmett went the next day to pack up most of my belongings for me. I was still too tender to have to see him. In the end it ended up being Emmett who moved all of my stuff out of Jasper's apartment and into his own.

~~*~~

I slowly started to heal. Things were getting better. I graduated from school and wanted to kick Emmett for making so much noise when my name was called. My aunt and uncle couldn't make it but Em was still the loudest out of everyone. Of course though my clumsiness would have to make an appearance at that moment. I was too distracted being mortified to watch where I was going and stepped off the stage completely missing the stairs.

Em of course wasted no time running up to the stage and throwing me over his shoulder in a fireman's carry before carting me out of the auditorium amongst claps and whistles. He rushed me over to Seattle Grace where we found out I only had a second degree sprain and a few bruises from the fall. The attending physician, however, called in one of the surgical residents from orthopedics. He assured me he thought it was nothing more then a sprain but thought the resident could use any experience he could get.

So I waited, and waited, and waited. Finally when I was ready to just say forget it and hobble out, the door swung open and a man in a white jacket and scrubs walked into the room.

"Hello, Miss Swan. My name is Dr. Masen. It seems Dr. Cullen would like a second opinion on your ankle." He said while looking up from my chart. I audibly gasped when my eyes connected to the purest green eyes I had ever seen. They reminded me of grass in the morning with drops of dew covering the blades. He smiled crookedly at me and went on to review my x-rays and test my ankle for range of motion. It didn't take him long to agree with the first doctor that my ankle was only sprained. He fitted me with an air cast and crutches. I found it odd that he was doing it himself and not a nurse but I figured it must have been something all the residents must do.

~~*~~

A week later my cell ran and I hobbled over to answer it. When I didn't recognize the number I almost didn't pick it up. It was Dr. Masen, Edward. At first I was worried, I thought maybe my ankle was damaged worse then originally assumed but he quickly assured me my ankle was fine, or would be fine in a couple of weeks. He then stumbled over his words adorably while asking me if I'd like to go to dinner with him tomorrow.

Understandably I was nervous about saying yes. My wounds were still fresh from Jasper, ultimately though I knew I couldn't stay in hiding. While I debated over my answer Edward was quick to assure me that if I didn't want it to be a date he was ok with that. It would just be two friends, he hoped, getting to know each other. I agreed and he offered to pick me up around seven.

Dinner was delightful, the conversation never stopped between us. Where as the intensity between Jasper and I had been white hot and instantaneous the connection between Edward and I was much more subtle and grew in layers. By the forth time we had gone out together I had finally relented and called it a date. That night we had our first kiss, it was everything I needed from him at that time. I'm not sure if he sensed or knew my past but he always took things slow, allowed me to take the lead. He treated me like I was priceless to him and handled me with care. Two weeks after our kiss we had sex for the first time. He had taken to calling me Love by that point and my heart clenched every time I heard it. I knew it was just a pet name, that while we shared a great like for each other it wasn't love yet, but I could feel it growing.

Five months after my break up, and almost three months after I first started dating Edward, he was taking me to meet his parents and then we were going to see Em. It wasn't until we got to the bar that I realized it was the place Jasper and I had met. My step faltered and Edward immediately noticed and pulled me to the side. I gave him the abbreviated version of what had happened. He held me until I was ready to go back in. I saw Jasper sitting at the bar and pointed him out to Edward. I wasn't trying to single him out or anything. I just wanted Edward to know who I was talking about so he could be prepared.

He asked me if I thought it might be easier if we came in separately. And with that question I knew in that moment that I loved him. He didn't have to think about how Jasper seeing us together would affect him. He could have walked into that bar with his arm around me and could kiss me freely when he felt like it, but I knew that he didn't want to put someone through unnecessary pain. So in front of the bar where I had fallen in love with Jasper I told Edward I loved him. He whispered his I love you to me as he kissed me.

We walked in separately and made sure to stay apart the entire night. I spent time with Emmett, but couldn't help glancing over at Jasper occasionally. He looked so… sad? It wasn't really the right description but it would have to do for now. Catching Edward's eye I nodded over towards Jasper letting him know I was going to talk to him. He smiled back at me and tilted his head slightly letting me know it wasn't a problem.

I approached him cautiously unsure of what to expect but just knowing I needed to talk to him, make sure he was ok. His eyes still burned with the intensity that I remembered was always present with him. He told me he was good, things were good. I was happy for him. I hoped he was happy as well. I couldn't resist one last hug goodbye before returning back to Emmett.

Not long after that I was ready to go. I met Edward outside and he hugged me and kissed me. Letting me know how proud he was of me for being as strong as I was. We left together in the cab back to his place.

~~*~~

I was sound asleep when my phone rang loudly. Never being much of a morning person I struggled to ignore the offensive noise.

"Hello?" I heard Edward mumble into the phone. "Just a moment. Love it's for you." He said handing me the phone.

I buried my head into the pillow before saying anything fully ready to go back to sleep when the call was over.

"Hello?" I asked again.

"Is this Isabella Swan?" The professional voice asked on the other end.

"Yes this is she, how may I help you?" I was confused and still half asleep. Edward leaned over me and kissed me on the head before settling in next to me.

"This is Nurse Patricks at UW Medical Center." I sat up in bed when she said that, shrugging off Edwards arm. Instantly I feared that something had happened to Emmett. "We have you listed as the emergency contact for Jasper Whitlock. I'm calling to let you know there's been an accident. We'd like you to come as soon as possible."

I was out of bed instantly throwing on clothes, with Edward following behind me. "What happened?" I asked frantically.

"I'm sorry Miss Swan but we need you at the hospital before we can discuss his case any further." The voice said.

"I'm on my way." I said snapping the phone shut.

I quickly filled Edward in on what the call was about and he drove me to the hospital as fast as he could.

~*~

* * *

**A/N:** I'll be changing this to a work in progress. I plan on adding more on to this but it will be slow going. This is the story I will default to when I'm in a funk and need to get out of it. So please show me your love, thoughts, and opinions on where you might like to see this go. Also I'm not sure if this will be a JasperxBella in the end but I will be putting it as such for now.


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